The Secret to Relationships

Just the other day, I had a great conversation with a young bride to be. I was reminded of an amazing concept the Lord dropped in my heart years ago regarding relationships.

This approach to relationships is especially ideal when it comes to marriage.

Before I share this amazing secret with you, let me ask you a question. What do you think is the leading cause of any relationship malfunction and divorce?

Granted, I’m no expert but what God has shown me, is that selfishness and pride are the number one culprits of relationship failure.

I call it, “The Me factor.”

The secret  to relationships is “Preference.” Defined as: to value more highly, to hold before or above; and to give priority to.

Our example is found in Jesus. At the cross He preferred you and me. He knew it would be a brutal endeavor to go through, yet He chose God’s will over His. (Luke 22:42)

The concept unfolds as this—if each person in the relationship/marriage prefers and thinks more highly of the other, caring for the needs of the other person over their own needs, then all needs will be met.

Living a life of preference takes the focus off of our self; what I want—what I need and puts the emphasis on the other person in the relationship. We move out of the selfishness of concentrating on our own wants, needs and desires and tune into what will bless the other person.

Is this an easy way to live? No.

Why? Because in order to be like Jesus we must die daily—we must decrease so He can increase.

The fear to this lifestyle is; what if the other person in the relationship doesn’t want to live a preferring life style? What about Me? How will my needs be met?

Valid concern. The answer—Jesus.

Since He really is, the only one who should or could, complete, fulfill or meet our needs—then He is the answer.

This was a difficult concept to grasp, mainly because it opposed my flesh. But once I submitted to the Lord in this, it changed my life, not to mention all my relationships!

In my marriage I stopped choking the life out of my husband trying to get him to meet my every need. Essentially I discovered that Jesus really is enough for me.

This concept brings freedom. It frees you to go deeper in relationship with God, making Him all you need. It frees you to love others, love your spouse, parents and siblings without putting the heavy burden of meeting your needs on them. Basically you are free to love without unreasonable expectations on either party.

I have found such joy and depth in my relationship with God since He asked me to live life in this manner of preference.

I invite you to go deeper. To relinquish your wants, needs and desires to God and let Him be “The One” to complete you. You seriously won’t be sorry—just free. Free to love and be loved!

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” Romans 12:10

Shady

Have you ever been so tired and hot that you longed for a shady spot to rest? Can you remember how relived you felt when you found it?

One of my favorite passages of scripture is Psalm 121.
Verse 5 articulates,

The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

Ponder the words, “stands besides you” and “protective shade.” Wow. Marvel at verse 6, “The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night.” You’ve got to love this! Essentially God stands right next to us and protectively watches over us day and night!

This past weekend I assisted in putting on a bridal shower tea party. It was held in my friends beautiful back yard. When we set up all the tables they were covered by shade, but as the hour approached the shade moved and we were in full afternoon sun. Eventually we sought relief from the heat and moved beneath a large tree. The shade found under its shadow was quite refreshing.

There’ s a stark contrast between God and common everyday shade, the difference is that He remains. Lamentations 5:19 says “Lord—you remain the same forever!” Unlike the bridal shower, we can set our life up under His shade and never doubt its constancy. Why? Because God does not become restless; He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

We, on the other hand are the ones who get fidgety. We can become uncomfortable and impatient with our life and consequently stray from the shade of His presence.

I want to encourage you to adopt God’s characteristic of—remaining. To permanently set your life up underneath His protective shade, knowing it will never shift.

The secret to remaining, is to become addicted to His presence and completely dependent on His love.

Be inspired to draw so near to Him that you tuck yourself under the shady shadow of His wing, daily finding rest and relief in the nearness of your God.

 

“Hide me under the shadow of Your wings, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice.” Psalm 17:8 & Psalm 57:1
“I will lift up my eyes to the hills—from whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand.  The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul.  The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.” Psalm 121

Sober

When you read the word sober what’s your first thought?
The sober that I’m referring to is found in 1 Peter 5:8

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

Possessing a sober attitude about life will free us from foolishness and heartache. It will cause us to be vigilant, discerning and intentional with our life. Not only will we be aware of the devil’s schemes but we will be able to live lives that function with purpose.

When I was a new wife and mom I never really thought much about being intentional. In fact it was not until I had my first teenager that I realized being intentional in life is critical.

We can’t just let life happen and expect all will turn out well. No, because if we do our adversary the devil, will devour us and all that we hold dear. It’s pure stupidity to think our enemy won’t do his job—steal—kill—destroy.

When we live sober and intentional we live knowing what we want to accomplish in life. It’s as I tell my kids, “Make a good choice and stick with it, then let every decision support that one choice.”

If we intend to know and love God, living our life in His presence, then we must make every choice in accordance to our first choice to know and love Him.

Being a Christian does not just happen. If we want our kids to love and obey God then we have to intentionally raise them with such a purpose.

Purity does not just transpire. If we desire purity and if we long to raise our kids to be pure, then we need to make deliberate life choices as to what we will teach, how we will live and what we will allow in our personal life and in our family.

Careers, success, financial gain, a good marriage, obedient children, good health—the list is endless—none of these just appear. Accomplishment in any area of life has to be intentional.

This means having a sober/seriousness in the manner in which we live our life.

I’m not talking about being a prude and living a religious life, void of fun—no, not at all.

I’m referring to living a deliberate, calculated life style led by the Holy Spirit, where we make every choice in life in alignment with our first choice.

We love God this way; love our spouse, raise our kids, look for a spouse, we spend our money, guard our words, minister, and love our family and friends—all in this manner.

Please be encouraged—by the grace of God to love and live your life with vigilance, intention and with a sober heart and soul.

The Thirsty Will Be Filled

If you are thirsty you will be filled. No matter where you are in your relationship with God you can know Him deeper. Once again I was looking through the archives of my blogs, searching for something to re-post while I’m on vacation. This post on acquiring a thirst for God jumped out, begging me to re post it! Please read and allow the Holy Spirit to give you a deeper thirst for God.

Acquire a Thirst

Water and food are two necessities we cannot live without. It’s not a coincidence that Jesus is equated to both water and food. Essentially we cannot survive without Jesus, the living water—the bread of life.

Someone who is thirsty can be described as desperate, parched, desirous, eager and with a craving for liquid. The truly thirsty practically go insane longing for water.

Isaiah 44:3 says,

“I will pour water on him who is thirsty and floods on the dry ground”

If you are thirsty you will be filled.

God promises to quench the thirst of those who are thirsty. The significance here is; of those who are thirsty, we must have a desire—a longing, to be filled by Him.

Do you ever feel complacent, with no real ambition or thirst for God? Interesting enough, God is the one who will help us overcome the complacency we are feeling towards Him. If we do not have a thirst—or a yearning for God, or for a deeper relationship with Him—we need to ask Him to make us thirsty.

One of the main reasons complacency sneaks its way in, is because we are not desperate enough for God. When we are not thirsty we usually don’t drink.  Complacency is defined as extremely self satisfied—just the opposite of what the Bible calls us to.

Psalm 42:1-2

“As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?”

As much as God loves us He gave us a free will. He wants us to come to Him.

In John 7:37 Jesus said

“Anyone who is thirsty may come to me!”

His desire is that we desire Him, that we love and seek Him by our own free will.

In James 4 it says, if we draw near to God He will draw near to us, not when He draws near then we draw near. We have to make the first move. If we seek Him we will find Him—the key is we must seek Him.

God delights in our enthusiasm to love Him. The truth is, when we are in love with someone we will do whatever we have to just to be with that person. If seeking God is not a thirst—maybe love is waning.

The answer? Be filled with the Holy Spirit. Since love is a fruit of the Spirit—to acquire it we must be filled with the Holy Spirit—the living water.

Water sustains life, likewise Jesus and the Holy Spirit sustain our heart, spirit and soul.

Be encouraged to acquire a greater thirst for God and don’t be surprised when He floods your dry ground!

“Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat.”  Isaiah 55:1

Not Ordinary

Mary the mother of Jesus was just a simple ordinary person with an everyday life—just like you and me. But was she really—simple, ordinary, average? Are you? Maybe in the worlds eyes, but not so in God’s.

I’ve been looking through the archives of my blogs for something to repost while I’m on vacation and stopped at these three very short blogs about Mary. I am always captivated by the way God used her. It gives me hope, that God would use me to do the impossible!

I combined all three with the scripture reference at the end. Read and enjoy. Marvel at how God used Mary and dream of the possibilities of how He will use you!

Blog One:  When the angel spoke to Mary informing her that she would conceive a child, she responded in wonder. How could this happen, since she had never been with a man?

The angel told her “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you.”

Basically what happened to Mary was the Holy Spirit overshadowed her and impregnated her with Jesus.

Everyone, no matter our relationship with God, can know Him more—know Him deeper still.

I want to encourage you to invite God Most High to come upon you—allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to overshadow you. Allow Him to implant yet another degree of Jesus—the gift of love and life in you.

Blog Two:  The angel greets Mary, telling her “Rejoice highly favored one.” Then in response to her alarm he says to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.” Next he enlightens her;  she will conceive by the power of the Holy Spirit overshadowing her and bring forth a son who will reign and be called the Son of God. And that’s not all, he relays the message that her relative who is well past child bearing age has conceived as well.

She was just informed of impossibilities. In the natural we would see these as nothing but impossible—but in the supernatural we can view any impossibility as possible.

I love thinking about Mary. At this point in her life she’s a young, unmarried virgin, being told she is going to be the mother of Jesus, Savior of the world. What was she thinking? Did she view the angel’s words as impossible? Or did God choose her because she had deep unwavering faith?

Mary found favor with God. His eye was on her, He chose her; bestowing on her the highest honor given to a human being. Jesus the Son of God would take residence in her womb. She would give birth to, nurture and raise God’s very own Son. It was unprecedented. How could this be possible?

Gabriel the angel assures her, “With God nothing will be impossible.”

Everyday the Holy Spirit of God wants to fill our human heart and rule our human soul. Everyday God asks us to do the impossible.

When He looks to us, what will He find? Will He find deep unwavering faith as He found in Mary?

Everyday God wants us to conceive or give birth to a miracle in our life, will we say it’s impossible? Or will we believe the angel’s words—”With God nothing is impossible”

Mary’s impossible was first: not to be afraid. Second: realize she was favored by God. Third: understand that no matter how controversal or difficult her situation got, God was bestowing a gift on her. And last but not least she had to exercise her faith and believe God—the One who loved her—the One whom she loved and trusted—to do the impossible for her—not just for a day but for a life time.

What impossibility are you facing? What does God want you to conceive or give birth to?

No matter your circumstance, remember:

*Do not be afraid
*You are favored by God
*God has gifted you
*Exercise your faith—believe God—the One who loves you—the one who you trust and love—to do the impossible for you!

For with God nothing will be impossible!

Blog Three:  Gabriel’s eloquent words unfold before Mary, painting for her a picture of God’s beautifully detailed, master plan. A designed arrangement that embraced her world. Plans foretold long before she ever took her first breath. Plans that would rearrange her life forever.

How did Mary respond?

How would you respond?

Her response causes my heart to marvel—yearning for the same simple trust and pure faith in God.

Savor the words of a selfless girl…“Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”

Mary responded with a sincere, yes Lord. Let your will be done in me as You desire. No reasoning just, yes Lord.

Let us carry the humble posture of Mary the Mother of our Savior. May the same sweet words be on our heart as well as our lips…yes Lord…”Let it be to me according to your word.”

Luke 1:26-38 “Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. And having come in, the angel said to her, “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women! ”But when she saw him she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was. Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name JESUS. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.” Then Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I do not know a man?” And the angel answered and said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God. Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. For with God nothing will be impossible.” Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”

Decisions, Decisions!

Short but sweet…

Do you ever find yourself in need of making a decision? Everyday right?  Basically no matter who we are or where we are in life, decisions constantly need to be made.

The good news is we have a guide that can assist us in any circumstance and through any decision.

Psalm 119:105 articulates,

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

The Word of God is lamp to our feet for daily guidance and a light to our path for long-term direction.

If you ever feel stuck and not sure which way to turn or what choice to make and need light shed on a subject, crack open the window of Gods perfect Word.

Psalm 119:130 says,

“The entrance of Your words gives light. It gives understanding to the simple.”

Be encouraged to let the light shine in!

I will be going through the archives of my blogs over the next few weeks and re-posting various ones that would be ideal to reread. My reasoning in this is—the next month will be crazy busy for me! After celebrating my 50th birthday with my amazing family and friends here, I am also blessed with the opportunity to spend precious time with my lifelong friends, (who actually hold sister status in my heart) in sunny California! I will hit the ground running when I return; for I have several big events coming up, one being my son Parker’s high school graduation!

HAPPY GRADUATION TO PARKER!!!

I will return to writing fresh material in mid May. Thank you so much for reading and following this blog! I appreciate you!

God Bless and overwhelm you with His infinite love!

The Prayer of Relinquishment

Letting go is rarely easy or desirable. However life is made up of numerous “letting go” sessions. I use the word sessions because the act of letting go usually requires more than just a simple release. The release typically comes at the end of a wrestling session.

Similarly, the prayer of relinquishment can be likened to a wrestling match. A match of the will, God’s will vs. our will.

Sometimes when we pray and ask God for something, we will give Him all the reasons why He should answer our prayer in the manner we want Him to. This is a sort of genie mentality. I rub the lamp and He gives me my heart’s desire—no questions asked. Prayer should be birthed out of relationship with God; if it’s not then we are in genie status.

In the blog post prior to this, titled The Power of Relinquishment, surrendering self-will is said to be the first step in relinquishment. Self-will has to be exchanged; our will for God’s will (for more on the subject read the post). Surrendering requires trust, therefore it moves us into relationship status with God.

Grasp the truth of Galatians 2:20,

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

At the cross we relinquish our rights—exchange our will, just as Jesus did. The words “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live” translate to “my life is no longer identified as mine—I give up my rights.” That’s the premise to the Christian life and to living in relationship status; the promise is “Christ lives in me.” Remember we can’t have the promise without the premise.

This brings us to the wrestling match, otherwise known as the prayer of relinquishment.

The foundation for the prayer of relinquishment is trust and love. We give up our hold, no matter the reason for our prayer. This is where the wrestling takes place, we wrestle to give up what we want or what we think is best. Human reasoning grapples with our faith in God and His Word. Then we relinquish.

Why relinquish? Because we understand and know that God will answer our prayer from His all-knowing, all-loving stance of wisdom and care for us. Principally we trust Him to do His best for us.

Another very crucial point to the prayer of relinquishment is—do we want the answer to the prayer more than we want God? If so then we are in danger of idolatry.

The essence of the relinquishment prayer, must be that we want God more than anything else. If it’s healing we are praying for, do we want the healing more than we want God? If it’s a wayward child, is our desire for our child more than our desire for God? If it’s for a broken heart, do want to be pain free more than go through the process of finding God for our relief? If it’s for financial breakthrough, relationships, peace or a myriad of other reasons—what is our real heart’s desire? God? Or whatever will make us feel whole? The truth is, God is the only one who can complete us, so we must start there. If we don’t, even when the prayer is answered, we will be left wanting.

Following is a very simple example of a recent prayer of relinquishment. Here’s the scenario, I was praying about going on a trip. I kept feeling as if maybe it was the wrong timing, but not quite certain—something felt out of alignment. After weeks of not being sure, I get my answer, yes I can go. But I still have a slight problem; I don’t have the finances for the plane ticket and no matter how hard I try they just are not materializing.

Finally, I relinquished the trip. (I believe what felt out of alignment earlier was my desire, I was asking out of wanting my will.) My relinquishment prayer went something to the effect of— “Lord I really want to go to California for my birthday, but I’m done trying to make it happen. I want this trip way too much, I let it go. If it happens it happens, I give my will up, I trust your will; do what’s best for me.” And I basically walked away from the whole idea.

The next day my husband calls me and says “Are you ready to book your flight” I answer “Yes, but how?” When he walked into work that day, he found an unexpected bonus check waiting for him. I let go and God made a way—that’s how!

My illustration is on a matter of small importance, but I have heard of bed ridden people praying for healing, years upon years, that finally relinquish. Changing their prayer to, “God I want you more than I want healing and I’m tired of the wrestle, what’s your will? If being in this bed is the plan for me than so be it, let your will be done, if it includes healing that would be great.” Healing came after they gave up their will.

Two women I know of (in separate cases) whose daughters were dying, relinquished their will and asked for God’s will. One woman’s daughter lived and the other woman—well, God’s will was for her daughter to live in heaven.

A huge component to the prayer of relinquishment is that when we relinquish our will to God, we settle and live in peace, allowing the outcome of our circumstance to be well with our soul.

Please be encouraged to learn the life-style and prayer of relinquishment. In doing so, the peace and rest of God will be your portion!