Avoiding Relationship Failure

Relationships come in many shapes and sizes. From intensely deep to causal. No matter the relationship—the concept of preferring one another always applies.

This morning as I was preparing a word for a friend whose marring later today, the Lord dropped the word preference into my heart, along with Romans 12:10,

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Following is a re-post of a blog written about this time last year. This concept is timeless. Please—enjoy and apply!

Just the other day, I had a great conversation with a young bride to be. I was reminded of an amazing concept the Lord deposited in my heart years ago regarding relationships.

This approach to relationships is especially ideal when it comes to marriage.

Before I share this amazing secret with you, let me ask you a question. What do you think is the leading cause of any relationship malfunction and divorce?

Granted, I’m no expert but what God has shown me, is that selfishness and pride are the number one culprits of relationship failure.

I call it, “The Me factor.”

The secret  to relationships is “Preference.” Defined as: to value more highly, to hold before or above; and to give priority to.

Our example is found in Jesus. At the cross He preferred you and me. He knew it would be a brutal endeavor to go through, yet He chose God’s will over His. (Luke 22:42)

The concept unfolds as this—if each person in the relationship/marriage prefers and thinks more highly of the other, caring for the needs of the other person over their own needs, then all needs will be met.

Living a life of preference takes the focus off of our self; what I want—what I need and puts the emphasis on the other person in the relationship. We move out of the selfishness of concentrating on our own wants, needs and desires and tune into what will bless the other person.

Is this an easy way to live? No.

Why? Because in order to be like Jesus we must die daily—we must decrease so He can increase.

The fear to this lifestyle is; what if the other person in the relationship doesn’t want to live a preferring life style? What about Me? How will my needs be met?

Valid concern. The answer—Jesus.

Since He really is, the only one who should or could, complete, fulfill or meet our needs—then He is the answer.

This was a difficult concept to grasp, mainly because it opposed my flesh. But once I submitted to the Lord in this—it changed my life, not to mention all my relationships!

In my marriage I stopped choking the life out of my husband trying to get him to meet my every need. Essentially I discovered that Jesus really is enough for me.

This concept brings freedom. It frees you to go deeper in relationship with God, making Him all you need. It frees you to love others, love your spouse, parents, children and siblings without putting the heavy burden of meeting your needs on them. Basically you are free to love without unreasonable expectations on either party.

I have found such joy and depth in my relationship with God since He asked me to live life in this manner of preference.

I invite you to go deeper. To relinquish your wants, needs and desires to God and let Him be “The One” to complete you. You seriously won’t be sorry—just free. Free to love and be loved!

Jesus IS Enough

To live a lifestyle where Jesus is enough, we have to walk submitted to His will in regard to all things both big and small. We also have to purpose as the Psalmist did, in Psalm 33:22 and 62:5 to put all our hope and expectation in Him alone:

 Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone.  Psalm 33:22

My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. Psalm 62:5

When God started to require me to live in the manner where He is all I need, He introduced the concept of Jesus being enough through my best friend Cathy. Over and over again I would ask her to explain what it means for Jesus to be enough.

Has God ever asked you to do something that you feel totally unqualified for? For me it seems this way quite often, especially during difficulties and suffering. In these times, I find myself saying to the Lord, “I can’t do it… but You can.” This is the essence of Jesus being enough. It’s where we come up short, knowing He will make up the difference and equip us for whatever He asks us to do or walk through.

To better understand the concept of Jesus being enough, visualize a rough wood surface covered with divots, grooves and holes. Now imagine a large putty knife or trowel smoothing spackle over the rough surface. This results in all the unsightly blemishes and empty holes being filled in and smoothed out. In this same manner, Jesus fills us in where we are lacking.

This concept was hard to grasp, mainly because at the time, I was still living primarily in my soul. The “Me” factor did not like the idea of losing its independence and having to become solely dependent on God. My soul found it hard to trust Jesus alone, mainly because I wanted to be in charge of my life and its direction.

For months on end Jesus would ask me, “Am I enough?” My response was “yes” but inside emptiness gnawed at me. The questions continually came: “If I never did another thing for you, am I enough? If your life never got any better than this, am I enough? If you lost everything dear to you, would I be enough?” Again my response was, “Well of course, Lord.” I struggled with letting Him be enough, but I did not want to admit it. I thought that if I committed to letting Him alone fill me then I would not get what I wanted. Finally, I answered Him truthfully, “No Lord, I’m sorry, You are not enough, but I want You to be.” This pivotal moment of truth set my journey for more depth and passion with God into further motion.

A lot of Christians do not even know that Jesus is not enough for them. The reason—we get so busy living and filling our lives with temporal treasures. I personally have found myself in pursuit of the American dream many times. If our primary concerns for ourselves are to acquire money, possessions, self-gratification, praise, status and the like, then we can be sure these things, not Jesus, complete us. Therefore, it would be fair to say Jesus is not enough. Jesus is asking us if He alone is enough, or if we need our health and all our temporal treasures to be complete.

One more way to know if Jesus is enough is to examine your actions when a storm hits or when you’re simply confronted by a rough day. What do you reach for? The phone to call a friend? The internet? Sleep? Pain relievers or antidepressants? Comfort food? Do you escape and watch TV or a movie? Or maybe you just default to your soul and you emotionally act out of stress, taking it out on everyone in your path with a nasty, bad attitude like I used to do. My comfort was also found in sleeping. When life got tough I would close my door, shut my life out and take a nap. This was one way I could avoid the truth. Other times I would look for consolation by calling a friend or escaping with a good love story chick flick.

Now that I am living in the reality of Jesus being enough, I follow a simple self-discipline guideline—I do not allow myself to call a friend unless I first call on Jesus. It’s the same with the movie—no escapism. I first have to check out the greatest love story of all…the Bible! The best news is, I rarely ever feel like shutting life out with a nap anymore. Instead, I shut myself into Jesus as my only comfort.

Jesus is enough where relationships are concerned

If relationships are let go into the hands of God and if we can turn to God as the one who fills us—not people—then we are free.

1. We are free from the emotional roller coaster that some relationships bring.

2. We can let go of all our unhealthy expectations of people.

3. Most important, we are free to just love people without choking the life out of them while trying to extract from them what we need to make us feel complete.

God longs to complete us, He wants to be enough for us where relationships are concerned. Sometimes the people we love just don’t have it in them to meet our needs—nor should they. Only God should have that role in our lives. If we let Jesus be enough then we can have healthier, freer relationships that are not all bound up by human expectations.

God has shown me that as I let Him be my everything, even in relationships, I am free to love without expecting anything in return. My love then is based out of purity and truth instead of manipulation

In the past, I tried so hard to make the people that I love, love me like I thought they should. That is reasonable when it comes to your spouse and parents because there are certain responsibilities that come with these relationships. But not everyone is whole enough to love as they should. This was true for my family. Rejection, betrayal and abandonment brought so much sorrow and pain that I would not have been able to function properly if God had not used this concept to help me love, honor and respect as the Bible requires me to.

In one of the most pressing times in my life I wanted to give up on my marriage. I knew it was not God’s plan that I give up and in a very dark season God turned to me and asked me some serious questions. “If your marriage never got any better, would you still love Me? Could I be enough for you? Could I be your husband? Would you allow Me to love you where he can’t? Could you love your husband for Me? Could you lay down your life as a bridge to him? Could you bridge his path to Me with your life and allow Me to be enough for you?”

I never could have done any of this without first giving my life up to Jesus and clinging to Him. Yes, it was agonizing and painful but by the grace of God I chose to let Jesus be enough for me.

I encourage you to be found in Him alone and to let Him fill in all the blanks in your life. Jesus undoubtedly is enough

Passion

If someone invited you to a party using these words; “The party will be dull, pretty much boring and very stale—you should come”—would you go? I think not.

How about relationship? What if a young man has interest in a young lady and when asking her to date him uses this line, “I really like you and want to date you, but first you must know—it will be a very dreary and lifeless relationship.” What girl, in her right mind, would date a guy with that personality and perspective?

What would be missing from such a relationship? Passion.

There are a couple of meanings to the word passion—the passion I’m referring to is the zest in life.

The opposite of passion is—mundane, routine, common, boring.

Passion causes people to go beyond normal—in life, relationships, work and play.

All my kids love and play extreme sports. Why play chess for a hobby when you have rock climbing or MMA? Hockey, dirt bike riding, white water rafting, kayaking, snowboarding, skateboarding and skydiving? They are passionate people and could never be satisfied with anything dull or commonplace.

Likewise we should press the limits on our Christianity. Always moving forward—insistent on loving and knowing God more—adamant in service—courageously sharing our faith—undaunted by culture and boldly exhibiting godly character.  We are to be people who go beyond normal in everyday life—faith filled people who represent God—people consumed with passion!

When God created us He set passion inside of us. Just look at the young—who live with child-like wonder, excitement, and enthusiasm about everything they encounter.

Our relationship with God should be one of passion, where we crave His Holy Spirit, and His presence. A relationship packed with zeal and fervor—not mundane—birthed out of obligation.

Matthew 22:37 boldly states what is most important in life,

To love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. (NKJ)

Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence. (MSG)

It takes passion to love God in this manner.

Many things steal passion—heartache, sickness, offense, doubt, disobedience, selfishness and busyness. Mainly the devil—he loves to usurp our passion, along with it he steals our faith. He is master at causing situations to arise where we question and doubt God’s goodness. It’s what he lives for.

Along with passion for God we must have passion for His Word. God’s Word amongst many things, is where we read about the greatest love story ever! Not only that—but in His Word is the secret to living life skillfully.

John 1:1 says,

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

If you love God and are in a relationship with Him—filled with His Spirit, then you also love His Word and are in relationship with it as well. We must diligently guard our passion for the Bible—the sneaky devil is expert at making the Word seem uninteresting and irrelevant.

Last but not least—another area where passion gets evaporated by the enemy is where church is concerned.

Psalm 69:9 says,

Passion for your house has consumed me

We should be passionate for our church—if we belong to God, then church is our house and we should passionately—with all our heart—not just out of duty—love to be there, serve there and be a part of what God is doing in our local church.

The reason the devil loves to steal passion for God’s house is the isolation factor—he isolates the weak and picks them off. He initiates grumbling, offense and disunity—which make church seem routine and pointless. Fact is—passionless church goers weaken the church.

We have to be intentional in protecting our passion. Making sure not to waste our affections on trivial things of this world.

What’s your passion level? Has the enemy seized your passion for God, His Word and His house?

An incredible attribute of God is his loving-kindness. He will never be content with allowing the devil to steal from His people! He has made a way for each of us, by His grace, to take back what the puny devil steals. It will take an act of our strong self-will, but after that it’s a cake-walk.

We must simply use our will, to turn to God—access grace, confess our passionlessness and lean into His great and awesome love. With an open embrace He welcomes us—here we exchange our dryness for a greater thirst.

Please be encouraged to ask God for more passion—and it will be yours!

Skillful Living 101—21 Obedience

How many people like the word obedience? Culture—even Christian culture, considers those who are concerned with obedience to be narrow-minded, old fashioned or too religious. Regardless of what we think about obedience—it is a requirement for living skillfully.

Proverbs 21:3 says,

To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

God is pleased with a surrendered, tender and obedient heart, far more than with a heart and life that give service (sacrifice) void of love. This is true in all of life; no matter if we are serving God, family, church or our community—a heart based in the love of God can only pour forth love, righteousness, justice, mercy and grace.

Mark 12:33 tells us that loving God with our whole heart is superior over sacrifice,

And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

What this means is that God is far more concerned with our heart. He’s not into empty rituals, or just going through the motions. He doesn’t want to give us a list of rules to follow so we can be qualified as His. No, He wants relationship—the kind of relationship where we live in obedience—simply because we love Him. Obedience birthed out of love is what keeps us from the empty rituals of Christianity.

Proverbs—the book of skillful living, gives solid advice on how to live in obedience and avoid living a life filled with empty rituals.

Proverbs 21

Verse 2—“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs and tries the hearts.”

• Commit our way (heart and life) to Lord—obey His directives

Verse 5—“The thoughts of the [steadily] diligent tend only to plenteousness, but everyone who is impatient and hasty hastens only to want.”

• Obedience to diligence pays off

Verse 9 and 19—“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” (Deep wisdom here for us ladies!)

• Our relationship with God needs to be the most important or else everything we do will be an empty ritual
• If Jesus is not enough—women (and men) become unhappy and quarrelsome
• We must let the Lord be our source of love and joy or we will be contentious

Verse 10—“The soul or life of the wicked craves and seeks evil; his neighbor finds no favor in his eyes.”

• A blameless person obeys God’s directive to love his neighbor as himself

Verse 13—“Whoever stops his ears at the cry of the poor will cry out himself and not be heard.”

• Obedience to God regarding a heart for the needy (both physical and spiritual) is imperative for our own answered prayers

Verse 21—“He who follows righteousness and mercy finds life, righteousness, and honor.”

• Obedience to righteous living results in favor

Verse 29—“Unscrupulous people fake it a lot; honest people are sure of their steps.”

• Dishonesty is an empty ritual
• Honesty allows us to be confident

Verse 30—“There is no wisdom or understanding or counsel against the Lord.”

• There is none like Him
• There is no one who can stand against Him and win
• Obedience to God’s authority is essential

Verse 31—“The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but deliverance is of the Lord.”

• Obedience to complete reliance on God brings deliverance

Skillful Living Tool Box

• Obedience is a requirement for living skillfully
• Loving God is superior over sacrifice, Mark 12:33
• God is not into empty rituals, 1 Samuel 15:22
• Obedience to diligence pays off
• Our relationship with God needs to be the most important or else everything we do will be an empty ritual
• If Jesus is not enough—we become contentious
• Love your neighbor as your self
• A heart for the needy is imperative for our own answered prayers
• Dishonesty is an empty ritual
• Honesty allows us to be confident
• Obedience to God’s authority is essential
• Complete reliance on God brings deliverance

Please be encouraged to embrace obedience—for no reason other than love.

Do you think all God wants are sacrifices— empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to him! Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production. Not doing what God tells you is far worse than fooling around in the occult. 1 Samuel 15:22

Read and apply all of Proverbs 21 and please share with those who need to live skillfully!

Check out the Skillful Living Tool Box (updated) at the top of this page!

 

Is Holiness Out-of-Style?

What do you think? Looking at the church today, would you say that holiness is out-of-style or out dated? What do you think of when you hear the words—Be holy? Do these words sound as if they are something from the Old Testament?—something not for today?

Holiness is not a overly worn, out-of-style outfit—that has lost its value. Neither is it something we outgrow. Just the opposite—the longer we are Christians—we move deeper and further into holiness.

For the sake of clarity, let’s define holy, its definition is: set apart, sacred, endowed with purity, devout, godly, virtuous and consecrated.

Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross sanctifies us and makes us holy—set apart for God. We all love this fact and rightly so—we gladly embrace this form of holiness. Who wouldn’t want to be forgiven of their sin? Where holiness is seen as outdated is when we realize we are to live a holy lifestyle—on a daily basis. The reason being—it opposes our flesh.

The word holy scares some people. Holy is not a bad four letter word! Holiness has a bad connotation because it’s immediately thought of as no fun and/or religious. Instead of by its truth—set apart.

You may ask—set apart for what?

Set apart for relationship with a most holy God, His Son and the Holy Spirit. Both in the Old and New Testament, scripture says, “Be holy, for I am holy.” The Strong’s Concordance describes this kind of holy as “Likeness of nature with the Lord, different from the world.”

Likeness of nature with the Lord…different from the world—what it does not mean is a list of dos and don’ts. Yes, there are things we should not do because they are not of the nature of God. But as  Christians these behaviors should not be our desire, our desire should be to follow Godly principles, thus be of the same nature with God.

We can’t live a holy life if we regretfully hold ourselves to a list of conducts not to follow. If we are to be of the same nature of God, then we will follow Him and be in relationship with Him, because He loves us and we love Him. This love and this relationship cause us to be holy and to live in right standing with God and vice-versa. The reason we don’t participate in sin, is because it is not pleasing to God and separates us from Him. Our heart is to love and please Him—be with Him and be like Him.

God’s Word is clear we cannot partake in a sinful manner of living, understandably some behavior can be disputed—seeming grey and not really sin…but maybe. This is where holiness gets sticky—when questionable behavior has to be scrutinized, categorized or defended—it’s a no brainer—if it’s questionable—don’t defend it—live without it—starve your flesh and be holy!

We should be glad, not disappointed that we are called to be holy and that we don’t indulge in sinful conduct. We should see it as a safety net—protecting us from a empty lifestyle that never stops craving after its self—a lifestyle that finds pleasure in self-indulgence, not God indulgence.

Religion says “I can’t do this or that because I’m a Christian”—relationship says “I don’t do this or that because I love God.”

God is jealous for us to live holy lives not because He loves rules, but because holiness sets us apart for Him and causes us to draw near to Him—which then causes Him to draw nearer to us.

Holiness is about relationship—not rules. Holiness is only out-of-style if we want to please our sinful nature.

A lot of Christians are stubborn towards holiness. I challenge you to be stubborn in your holiness, not allowing the devil, the world and the flesh to manipulate your life. 

Selfishness is easier and more pleasing to human nature, but this is what sets us apart—we do not live according to human nature but God’s nature. The Church—The Bride of Christ, should be set apart—we should be different. Different, but not weird and religious!

How will we make a difference in this world if we represent rules and not Christ? What will we have to offer that’s different?

 If we love our life so much that we outdate holiness—how will we make a difference—a difference that saves lives?

It is not difficult to be holy nor is it a lofty unattainable lifestyle. God never asks us to do anything or be anyone that He will not equip us to be. He gives grace to the humble—grace is a resource—grace fills in the gaps—it is available to us—for holiness. We just have to want to be holy.

Some Christians use grace as an excuse not to be holy—grace is not an excuse, but an endless supply of assistance and support to live a godly lifestyle.

In a holy lifestyle we do not live overly cautious of our sin, instead we live mindful and in honor of God’s presence and of our relationship with Him. 

I’m not perfect, but I am submitted and really passionate to be in closer relationship with God—I’m passionate for the Church to be in closer relationship with God—therefore I’m passionate about pursuing holiness.

I’m bringing holy back! What about you?

Please be encouraged to BE holy as He is Holy!

Ephesians 5:1-6 “Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect. You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.”

1 Peter 1:13-16  “So brace up your minds; be sober (circumspect, morally alert); set your hope wholly and unchangeably on the grace (divine favor) that is coming to you when Jesus Christ (the Messiah) is revealed. [Live] as children of obedience [to God]; do not conform yourselves to the evil desires [that governed you] in your former ignorance [when you did not know the requirements of the Gospel].But as the One Who called you is holy, you yourselves also be holy in all your conduct and manner of living.For it is written, You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

Skillful Living 101—14 Upright

If you’ve read the Bible for any length of time, you’ve no doubt come across the word upright. A huge component to living skillfully, is to ascertain uprightness. I know it can seem as an out dated expression or concept, but truthfully, living uprightly is key to relationship with God and to blessings.

The attributes of the upright are: Integrity, blameless, prudent, virtue, honor, morality, truth, reliability, decency, discrete, honest and righteousness.

Two character traits of an upright person are wisdom, and understanding. The book of Proverbs is drenched with instruction on being wise and acquiring understanding.

Everyone with any sense—desires to navigate through life skillfully. Remember—the book of Proverbs is our guide for skillful living. A firm grasp on uprightness will assist us in living wisely.

One way to look at uprightness is to see it as freedom. Leviticus 26:13 says,

I have broken the bands of your yoke and made you walk upright.

The burden of bondage causes us to slump over with heaviness, worry, condemnation and shame. Freedom looses us to stand upright, both in our stature and in our heart and soul.

Almost all of Proverbs 14 has to do with walking uprightly, but I will highlight just a few (or more) significant verses, using NKJV and The Message.

Verse 1, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
This is huge and one of my favorites (being a woman and all). If we are not in unity and submission with God and His will, as well as with our husbands, we—with our own hands demolish our family! Careful ladies!

Verse 2—“He who walks in his uprightness fears the Lord, but he who is perverse in his ways despises Him.”
The Message version reiterates this verse very frankly. “An honest life shows respect for God; a degenerate life is a slap in his face.” Ouch!

Verse 3—“In the mouth of a fool is a rod of pride, but the lips of the wise will preserve them.”

Verse 9—“Fools mock at sin, but among the upright there is favor.”
Upright people have a hard time sinning—God’s favor, is their reward.

Verse 10—“The house of the wicked will be overthrown, but the tent of the upright will flourish.”

Verse 12 & 13—“There’s a way of life that looks harmless enough; look again—it leads straight to hell. Sure, those people appear to be having a good time, but all that laughter will end in heartbreak.”

Verse 25—“Souls are saved by truthful witness and betrayed by the spread of lies.”

Verse 29—“Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles stupidity.”

Verse 30—“A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.”
One way to attain good health is to align your heart with God’s.

Verse 33—“Wisdom rests in the heart of him who has understanding, but what is in the heart of fools is made known.”

Maybe you’re wondering—how do I live uprightly? How do I get wisdom and understanding? These are not stupid questions!

First, start with sincerely asking God—if we seek Him we will find Him. Seeking God means to wholeheartedly go after Him.

Proverbs 8:17
I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently will find me.

Next, if you’re seriously seeking Him, expect that He will answer and show you His will. When He does—deny yourself and obey His directives.

A lot of the time God keeps silent because He knows we won’t listen and do what He tells us, that’s why we must seek Him diligently. If we want to be wise and have understanding thus live uprightly—the first wise step is to listen and obey.

Proverbs 1:28-29
When they cry for help, I will not answer. Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me.  For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear (obey) the Lord.

Changing our lifestyle is not always easy and change has to start on the inside. In seeking God first, we can be confident that He will take care of all the things we are concerned about. (Matt. 6:33)

Please be encouraged to ask God to help you live your life uprightly, you will not regret it—there are many rewards for upright living!

Skillful Living Tools

• To live skillfully—ascertain uprightness
• Understand that living uprightly is freedom
• Build your home with wisdom—don’t tear it apart with un-submissiveness
• The home and family of the upright will flourish
• Respect and honor God by living an honest life
• Be slow to anger
• The first step in being wise—is to listen and obey
• Remember change starts on the inside

Please share with those who need to live skillfully!

Check out the Skillful Living Tool Box (updated weekly) at the top of this page!

Text, E-mail or Facebook God?

What’s your routine when it comes to spending time with God? Do you fire off a list of wants and desires? Or do you sit, relate with God, and enjoy a conversation with Him?

Understandably, in today’s culture of texting, e-mailing, facetime and Facebook, relating is foreign. Besides life is busy and taking time to sit and have a conversation with anyone is difficult and very time-consuming, let alone with someone you can’t see—such as God.

About a decade ago, God began to move me in the direction of relating and conversing with Him instead of just asking Him to do something for me.

I’m a very visual person and when God speaks to me I often see (in a vision) what He is trying to say to me. I love this form of communication that we have, because it makes it easier to not forget what He says.

Following are two instances (the writings taken from my book) of when God spoke to me, regarding spending time with Him. These visions are forever burned in my memory and hold a special place in my heart.

When life gets busy or when stress causes me to want to just ask God, instead of relate with Him, I recall these visions and settle into God’s peace. My hope is that they will become the thing you remember and go back to, when you’re tempted to hurry and worry your prayers to God.

When the Lord so graciously gave me these visions I was in a season of getting to know Him as Father, Spouse and Friend. He was moving me out of thinking of Him as this big, ominous Wizard of OZ kind of God.

If you suffer from not being able to relate to God because He seems unreachable and aloof, I challenge you to move into a new direction in your relationship with Him. But remember, anything of remaining value, does not happen overnight. Push through—it’s worth it!

Caution: (for some) God will call your bluff—if you’re just trying to move into relating to Him because you want to ask without guilt—it will take longer. God desires we get close to Him for no other reason than to have a relationship with Him.

The following are excerpts from my book Thirsty Heart.

Taken from the chapter; Entering God’s Rest:

This concept for some may take a paradigm shift in thinking. I remember the first time God brought this concept to my attention. I was in the beginning stages of learning to know Jesus as my Bridegroom. The Holy Spirit would wake me in the middle of the night and I would spend hours just worshiping and loving Him. I began to feel worried and anxious that I wasn’t spending enough time in intercession praying for specific needs. My Bible Study teacher and I were talking about this and her words spoke peace to my heart. She reminded me that it is in the place of intimacy with Jesus that our deepest desires are heard. They are met by God’s heart of love and adoration for us. During this intense period of my life, I would listen to a CD that played songs with the lyrics from the book of Song of Solomon. One of the songs quoted the scripture from Song of Solomon 8:5, “Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?” I was singing this song and pictured myself coming up from the wilderness, completely dependent on Him, leaning on Jesus. As He and I walked over the hills, to the side of us I noticed the cross which was surrounded by a beautiful well-kept flower garden. We walked on and in my concern I asked Him, “How can I spend so much of my prayer time not praying; there are so many needs I should be praying for?”

He asked me if I remembered seeing the cross.
I responded, “Yes.”
“Do you remember the garden surrounding it?”
“Yes.”
“Those flowers are your prayers.”

The flowers were my prayers, but I never planted them. The Lord was telling me He knew my heart. When I spend time with Him, I leave all the concerns of my heart (prayers) at the cross, where He plants and tends to them. He will water, apply the fertilizer, pull the weeds and fend off the insects. I did not have to panic and beg God, but simply hide and rest in Him. The well-watered garden of flowers were my children flourishing at the cross, stretching toward heaven, drinking in the Son, bathing in the light of the resurrection. They were the prayers for my marriage, all my struggles, hopes and dreams, laid down to God in this quiet, secret place. They were God’s to do what He desired with them.

The next quotation is taken from the chapter; The Father Issue:

 One morning while praying, I saw myself outside a beautiful castle where royalty lived. I was among many people, all who were peasants. I was dressed as they were in an old, dirty, torn dress. I was waving a white paper at the King who lived inside. On the paper was a list of demands (prayers) that I wanted the King to answer. I was begging the King to do something for me.
Jesus, the King’s Son came out and took me inside. He gently explained that I was not a peasant. I was royalty—I was family—reminding me it’s about relationship—not answered prayers.
I could walk the halls of the King’s house, hand in hand with Him. Conversing and relating with Him regularly, whenever I had a need all I had to do was turn to Him and simply ask. Then rely on His faithfulness, finding my peace in His trustworthiness, allowing His will to be done—no worrying, no begging, just resting in relationship.

There is nothing wrong with asking God for anything, after all,  everything we have comes from Him. We have to remember God is not a genie who does not require relationship—on the contrary—relationship with God must be our   foundation.

Essentially, just asking God, is void of relationship. Although we live in a non-communicative culture, we do not have to get caught up in it, especially where God is concerned. We cannot text, facetime, e-mail or Facebook God—no, we have to spend actual face to face, heart to heart time in relationship with Him.

I hope this helps you move out of just asking, and into conversing and relating to Him.

Please be encouraged to press this issue in your life—what lays ahead, is relationship with our loving God.

When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8

Marry a Prostitute?

I’m engulfed in an amazing novel titled Redeeming Love. It’s a work of fiction based on the true account of Hosea in the Bible.

The book of Hosea is about God’s restorative love for His people and the unique method He chose to reveal it. Essentially it’s a prophetic statement—God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. He doesn’t argue with God, but I wonder what he was thinking?

It was a harsh demonstration of loving the unlovely.

God wanted His people to know how much he loved and cared for them, that they were His beloved. He wanted to be known not as master, but as a loving husband. A loving husband that unconditionally loves His beloved, no matter the state of her heart and life.

As I’m reading this novel I’m praying and putting myself in two places, one—as the prostitute herself (Gomer in the Bible and Angel in the book) and two—as Michael Hosea, the man who loves the hurting, miserable prostitute.

Honestly, I can relate to both. Not that I’ve ever prostituted (thank God!) But in her, I see the person I used to be, one who self protects and is afraid to dream or imagine anything different for her life. A wounded person petrified of true love.

Sadly, I also see the person I am now. One who has experienced God’s immeasurable, healing, redeeming love—yet still hesitates—at times—to surrender my whole heart and soul in complete submission—for fear of pain.

I can relate to the man in this because He represents God. Scripture says to imitate God in all we do. I want to patiently love as He does. Even when the person you’re trying to love and help; can’t receive or won’t reciprocate, even if that person hurts you. Loving the unloveable is what Hosea did as he prophetically demonstrated how God loves us.

It’s interesting how the two personalities in the books, though they be so opposite, relate to each other. In order to love as God does, we have to experience it for ourselves. We must allow this unconditional love to penetrate our very heart and soul, therefore bring change to the way we give and receive love.

At some point in our life we have to surrender to God’s love and learn to walk in obedience. Knowing, His ways are much better than ours. Unfortunately,  some will wait so long that it will be too late.

How do we surrender when we can’t trust love? Surrendering is an act of the will. You—will yourself—over to love and relationship, as painful as it may be—you choose love.

You will yourself to believe that God’s love is good and trustworthy. His love is evident in all He does, just read the book of Hosea…the book of John…all the books in the Bible! For God so loved the world, even though the world didn’t love Him, He gave Jesus.

I want to leave you with a quote from the book Redeeming Love. It’s found at the top of chapter 7, it’s a quote from a poem written in the 1400’s, by Charles D’Orleans.

I am dying of thirst by the side of a fountain

This appropriately describes a hurting person. Though they sit right next to The Fountain, they will die, for they refuse to drink.

Be encouraged—surrender to love—so you can be love.

Hosea 10:12  “Sow for yourselves according to righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God); reap according to mercy and loving-kindness. Break up your uncultivated ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, to inquire for and of Him, and to require His favor, till He comes and teaches you righteousness and rains His righteous gift of salvation upon you.”

The Secret to Relationships

Just the other day, I had a great conversation with a young bride to be. I was reminded of an amazing concept the Lord dropped in my heart years ago regarding relationships.

This approach to relationships is especially ideal when it comes to marriage.

Before I share this amazing secret with you, let me ask you a question. What do you think is the leading cause of any relationship malfunction and divorce?

Granted, I’m no expert but what God has shown me, is that selfishness and pride are the number one culprits of relationship failure.

I call it, “The Me factor.”

The secret  to relationships is “Preference.” Defined as: to value more highly, to hold before or above; and to give priority to.

Our example is found in Jesus. At the cross He preferred you and me. He knew it would be a brutal endeavor to go through, yet He chose God’s will over His. (Luke 22:42)

The concept unfolds as this—if each person in the relationship/marriage prefers and thinks more highly of the other, caring for the needs of the other person over their own needs, then all needs will be met.

Living a life of preference takes the focus off of our self; what I want—what I need and puts the emphasis on the other person in the relationship. We move out of the selfishness of concentrating on our own wants, needs and desires and tune into what will bless the other person.

Is this an easy way to live? No.

Why? Because in order to be like Jesus we must die daily—we must decrease so He can increase.

The fear to this lifestyle is; what if the other person in the relationship doesn’t want to live a preferring life style? What about Me? How will my needs be met?

Valid concern. The answer—Jesus.

Since He really is, the only one who should or could, complete, fulfill or meet our needs—then He is the answer.

This was a difficult concept to grasp, mainly because it opposed my flesh. But once I submitted to the Lord in this, it changed my life, not to mention all my relationships!

In my marriage I stopped choking the life out of my husband trying to get him to meet my every need. Essentially I discovered that Jesus really is enough for me.

This concept brings freedom. It frees you to go deeper in relationship with God, making Him all you need. It frees you to love others, love your spouse, parents and siblings without putting the heavy burden of meeting your needs on them. Basically you are free to love without unreasonable expectations on either party.

I have found such joy and depth in my relationship with God since He asked me to live life in this manner of preference.

I invite you to go deeper. To relinquish your wants, needs and desires to God and let Him be “The One” to complete you. You seriously won’t be sorry—just free. Free to love and be loved!

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” Romans 12:10