Skillful Living 101—22 Parenting

Parenting . . . the hardest most complex job on earth. Yet parenting holds the highest value and reward of anything we might possibly do with our life.

Psalm 127:3

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

As a parent I am so grateful to have an instruction manual on child rearing—as I’m sure all parents are.

Unfortunately—most instruction manuals or directions don’t get read until completely necessary. If you’re young—please be encouraged to read the manual now! If you are in the middle of raising children—read the manual now! If your children are young adults—especially read the manual now! If you are a grandparent—read the manual now! It’s never too early or too late!

Being on this end of life where all but one of my kids are grown adults, I sometimes bemoan the fact that there are no “do-overs” when it comes to raising children.

If your kids are grown and your heart is heavy—caught up in regretfully recounting your mistakes—remember there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. Ask for forgiveness—forgive yourself and do God’s best from here on out. God is a faithful redeemer—He redeems our errors and covers our sin.

The first ingredient to parenting is humble, unconditional love. We must by grace and the Holy Spirit’s assistance, love our kids the way God loves us—He never gives up on us. We must always hope and believe in our children. Sometimes love takes on different forms of behavior—this means—tough love is sometimes necessary.

At times I marvel at how complex parenting really is. Parenting is a letting go adventure. These children are born to us, of our own flesh and blood—and we lovingly train them to grow up—leave us—and live their own lives.

Parenting, from the very first hour, demands complete reliance on God. I am so thankful to have an all knowing, all loving, all understanding One to lean on. Prayerfully depending on God is imperative. Since raising children is a lifelong commitment with so many ups, downs and curves—all scripture applies.

One of the things I know—from experience—is we the parents, cannot instruct or impart to our children what we do not ourselves possess. If we want our children to be healthy people of integrity and good character, then we must be as well. There is no room for double-mindedness. Most things are caught rather than taught.

Proverbs—the Book of Skillful Living has crucial advice on parenting—no matter your stage of life.

Let’s look at Proverbs 22 and, with a sincere heart, intentionally live these principles and purpose to teach them to our children and grandchildren.

Verse 1—“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.”

• Taking on the name of Christ—invaluable
• God’s favor—vital

Verse 2—“The rich and the poor have this in common; the Lord is the maker of them all.”

• Identity is found in Christ alone

Verse 4—“By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.”

• Humility and the fear of the Lord are high priorities to God
• The fear of the Lord inherit within a person helps them to love and obey God and parents
• Honoring God aids us in honoring our self and others, as well as authority

Verse 5, 3, 8, 10, 24, 25—“Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse; he who guards his soul will be far from them.”

• Guarding your soul from evil is crucial to a successful life

Verse 6—“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

• We can never stop pouring God’s love and Word into our kids. I’ve seen this dynamic take place in the life of my 2^nd son. When he gave up living for himself and surrendered to God—all that had been poured into his heart as a child never departed—God’s Word is timeless, alive and active, it never sleeps but always accomplishes what God sets out to do.
• Love the church and teach kids the same

Verses 11 & 14—“He who loves purity of heart and has grace on his lips, the king will be his friend.” “The mouth of an immoral woman is a deep pit; he who is abhorred by the Lord will fall there.”

• A love for purity and grace are never overrated
• Friendship with the King—highly valuable!

Verse15—“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 29:15, Proverbs 23:13-14, Proverbs 29:17, Proverbs 13:24

• The Word repeatedly warns—If we love our children we will discipline them
• Loving discipline and correction will create healthy adults
• Warning to fathers: Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Verses 18 & 19—“Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge; for it is a pleasant thing if you keep them within you; let them all be fixed upon your lips, so that your trust may be in the Lord”

• Preserve wisdom, knowledge and trust in your heart
• Teach kids to bind themselves to Godly wisdom

Verse 29 & 13—“Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men.”

• God seriously does not approve of slothful behavior
• Diligently teach Children diligence
• A good work ethic is priceless

Skillful Living Tools:

• Children are a heritage and reward—enjoy them!
• Children are a huge responsibility—train them in the ways of the Lord
• Read and apply the instruction manual—the Bible
• Pray without ceasing
• Teach kids to prayerfully depend on God
• Teach integrity and Godly moral character
• Do not be double minded
• Teach kids to be single focused—God first
• Love never fails—unconditionally love the kids God gifted to you
• Fathers, do not provoke your children
• Love the church and teach kids the same

Please be encouraged to surrender your parenting to God and His Word—trusting Him for all the answers.

Side Note: God is redeeming the struggling, wayward child—no matter their age. My heart knows the anguish of watching your child self-destruct. My advice to you—keep your heart focused on God. Find peace and rest for your heart, in relationship with Him for He cares for you and can carry your burden, if you will just give it to Him. I am praying for you and your children.

Read and apply all of Proverbs 22 and please share with those who need to live skillfully!

Check out the Skillful Living Tool Box (updated) at the top of this page!

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Skillful Living 101—18 Our Strong Tower

A life that is lived skillfully would most definitely be a life lived in God’s presence.

Proverbs 18:10, describes God as a strong tower where the righteous run in and are safe. I love how compassionate and loving God is, that He provides a place where we can find refuge and peace. This refuge is not just any old place—no, our place of security is in the very presence of God.

One way to understanding God’s presence is to see it as a shelter, a fortress and a hiding place. A dwelling—where our life is hidden in God, not that we necessarily hide from life, but an actual place where we live life.

Colossians 2:3 says

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Proverbs—the book of skillful living, is all about setting our mind on things above and not on the things of the earth. Living a life hidden with Christ in God, helps us to rise above earthy circumstances—rise above trivial—setting our heart and soul on the most important—the things of God.

A good way to remain diligent in living skillfully—thus setting our mind on things above is to make living in God’s presence our daily objective. In doing so we must grab a hold of His Word—making it our source of nourishment.

In Proverbs 18, we find a myriad of good advice and nourishment. Granted the whole chapter is beneficial but we will look at six main points, found in verses 10, 15, 19, 21, 22 and 24.

Verse 10—“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”

• The righteous make God their refuge
• God is our help

Verse 15—“The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.”

• A sensible person esteems knowledge
• To set our mind on things above, we must pursue biblical knowledge
• The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge

Verse 19—“A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

• An offended person, whether they be right or wrong, is harder to talk to, and work things out with, than a fortified city
• It’s better to pray and wait—rather than argue with an offended person
• Remember offence is a choice—we must keep our heart free of offence

Verse 21—“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

• Our words will bring life our death to those on whom they fall
• If we love gossip and slander, we will reap its rewards
• We need to make habit of speaking life into people and situations
• Controlling our tongue is a heart issue

Verse 22—“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

• A spouse is a blessing from the Lord
•  We have to be good stewards of God’s blessings

Verse 23—“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

• First be a friend
• Faithfulness is priceless

Skillful Living Tools

• Make it your daily objective to live in God’s presence
• Learn to know God’s presence as a shelter, refuge, a fortress and a hiding place
• Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth
• Grab a hold of God’s Word—making it your source of nourishment.
• To set our mind on things above, we must pursue biblical knowledge
• It’s better to pray and wait— rather than argue with an offended person
• Death and life are in the power of the tongue
• Make habit of speaking life into people and situations
• Treat your spouse good—they are a blessing from God
• A faithful friend is priceless

Please be encouraged to seek God as your strong tower and place of refuge—here your heart can settle and be at peace.

Read and apply all of Proverbs 18 and please share with those who need to live skillfully!

Check out the Skillful Living Tool Box (updated weekly) at the top of this page!

 

 

Skillful Living 101—13 Correction

Correction. A common thread throughout Proverbs 13.

It seems an almost unacceptable concept and such an abrasive word these days. We live in a culture that does not want to be corrected, convicted or disciplined—no just pacified with an extreme illusion of grace.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a grace person—I couldn’t live without it. In my less mature stages of life, I used grace—basically as a pass to do what I wanted and to view Christianity from my own narrow perspective. As I’ve grown in understanding of the fear of the Lord and the Bible, I now know grace to be the wind beneath the wings, of my obedience to God’s will.

Proverbs 13 starts and ends with guidance on discipline, obedience, correction and rebuke. By now we see that the entire book of Skillful Living (Proverbs) is saturated with scriptures referring to these topics. The Lord is speaking to us— instructing us, for our own good, to be wise and embrace understanding, discipline, correction, rebuke and instruction.

The following six verses from Proverbs 13 portray the importance of submitting to correction.

Verse 1—A wise child accepts a parent’s discipline; a mocker refuses to listen to correction.

Verse 10—Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.

Verse 13—People who despise advice are asking for trouble; those who respect a command will succeed.

Verse 14—The instruction of the wise is like a life-giving fountain; those who accept it avoid the snares of death.

Verse 18—Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, but he who regards a rebuke will be honored. (NKJ)

Verse 24—Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

Proverbs 13:24 bluntly states, if parents do not discipline their children—then they hate them! Pretty drastic don’t you think? Let’s face it—God’s Word is radical. (To be honest that’s one reason I love it so much!)

Some may protest—how can God the Father, the God of love, discipline or rebuke His children??? Essentially it’s because of love that He disciplines us—otherwise He’d hate us!

God the Father cares enough for us that He will discipline, convict, correct and rebuke us, so that we can be humble and wise. Please do not get caught up in the devil’s plan and get offended by this.

Hebrews 12:7
As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?

Proverbs 3:12
My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you.  For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

It’s truth—it’s Bible!

Be encouraged to embrace God’s love by accepting correction—you’ll be all the wiser if you do!

Skillful Living Tools:

• Embrace God’s correction
• View grace as that which helps you obey God’s will
• Be humble—take advice
• Respect a command
• Accept instruction—avoid the snares of death
• Regard a rebuke and be honored
• Love your children enough to discipline them
• Stay clear of offense
• Endure divine discipline
• Don’t get upset when God corrects you

Please share with those who need to live skillfully!

Check out the Skillful Living Tool Box (updated weekly) at the top of this page!

Skillful Living 101—9 Wisdom’s Invitation

You are cordially invited

Wisdom has skillfully constructed her home and set an elaborate table. Serving a delightful well calculated cuisine—delicious, nourishing and satisfying; most importantly this menu is abundantly available to all who will listen.

Following is your personal invitation from Proverbs 9:4-8:

“Are you confused about life, don’t know what’s going on? Come with me, oh come, have dinner with me! I’ve prepared a wonderful spread—fresh-baked bread, roast lamb, carefully selected wines. Leave your impoverished confusion and live! Walk up the street to a life with meaning.” (The Message)

Once again Proverbs summons us to take a hold of wisdom. Sometimes it’s easy to tune the invitation out, thinking “I’m okay, I have an ample amount of wisdom” But 1 Corinthians 1:25 says, “The foolishness of God is wiser than men” Take the very wisest of all human beings and compare them to God. If God were foolish, His foolishness would be even wiser than the wisest of all men.

We will never be above accepting wisdom’s invitation; it will do us well to embrace all the wisdom God has to offer.

For example—we need wisdom to digest Proverbs 9:7-9.  In our human intelligent, if we consider ourselves wise, than we may feel as if we can’t be taught. Proverbs 9:7-9 says, an unwise person will not accept instruction, but instruct a wise person and they will be wiser still. Teach or rebuke a righteous person and they will increase in learning. Verse 8 goes as far as to say “Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you”

Amongst the array of delicacies at wisdom’s banqueting table, we find the capacity to live a humble lifestyle. A humble person welcomes instruction, is teachable and accepts rebuke and correction—no matter their age or position in life.

In Proverbs 9:10-12, the invitation is extended once again to fear the Lord. Why? Because…

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding”

Wisdom’s invitation to fear the lord will keep us from folly. In verse 13-18 of Proverbs 9, the voice of folly sends out an invitation as well. Wooing the unassuming, impersonating the voice of wisdom—saying, “’Whoever is simple, let him turn in here.’ And as for him who lacks understanding, she says to him, ‘Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.’ But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of hell”

God in His kindness has extended His invitation to embrace wisdom. Be encouraged to accept.

Skillful Living Tools:

• Tune your heart to hear and embrace wisdom’s invitation
• Be wise and accept instruction, teaching and rebuke
• Live humbly
• Fear the Lord
• Resist folly

Check out the Skillful Living Tool Box (updated weekly) at the top of this page!

Skillful Living 101—8 Wisdom’s Excellence

The Excellence of Wisdom

Wisdom, insight and understanding sound their request. Let all who have a heart to hear—pay attention to the excellence of wisdom.

What is the excellence of wisdom? Nothing less than Christ.

As we read Proverbs 8, it’s as Christ Himself is calling to the very core of our being, saying listen—my words are plain, give ear to understanding, use good judgment, do not be foolish, but embrace Me—behold wisdom and live.

Wisdom’s value is priceless, of more worth than gold, silver and precious jewels.

What do you desire most? Proverbs 8:11 shamelessly states, nothing we desire can compare with wisdom. That’s a huge declaration, one to ponder.

Take that which is of greatest desire to you, feel its worth—and know that the scripture says wisdom is of greater value.

Be stirred to make an exchange with God—that which you desire, for that which God desires for you—Christ the excellence of wisdom and the fruit of His righteousness.

Proverbs 8:17-18 coincides with Matthew 6:33, they pronounce;

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently will find me. Riches and honor are with me, enduring riches and righteousness.”

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

It really is simple, but most difficult for our flesh; seek Him first and He adds all things, according to His will, to you. Our human mind wants to reason how can this simple daily choice of seeking God first help me?

Listen…wisdom is calling…instructing us to choose to seek Him first.
Hear with faith…tune your spiritual ears.

Proverbs 8:19 articulates that the profit of choosing Him first is superior over any other choice.

“My fruit is better than gold, yes, than fine gold, and my revenue than choice silver.”

Verse 34 offers a nugget of truth on seeking Him—that will change your life.  It says, watch daily at His gates and wait at His door post.

Watch for the Lord—wait for Him, He will come. Jesus is the wisdom of God, He fills every need—every day!

If you want blessings, favor and life from the Lord, simply keep His ways, hear His instruction and make your heart His home.

Proverbs 8:33-36 “Now therefore, listen to me, my children, for blessed are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise, and do not disdain it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoever finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the Lord; but he who sins against me wrongs his own soul; all those who hate me love death.”

Be encouraged to read Proverbs 8 with the perspective of wisdom being Christ—it will bless you!

Check out the skillful Living Tool Box (updated weekly) at the top of this page.

Skillful Living Tools:

• Ask for the revelation of Christ as the wisdom of God
• Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness
• Keep His ways
• Listen to instruction and be wise
• Watch and wait for the Lord

Skillful Living 101—4 Your Life is at Stake

Proverbs 4, titled:  Your Life is at Stake, shows us the intense importance of getting wisdom.  

The book of Proverbs overflows with exhortations urging us to be smart enough to grasp wisdom and apply it to our life. The Proverbs go as far as to say that wisdom will preserve our life both physically and spiritually.

In Proverbs 4:1-13, Solomon implores us to grab a hold of wisdom, telling how his father and mother educated him on the seriousness of getting wisdom. As parents we need to pay close attention and teach our children the key necessities of life.

It’s no wonder when God said to Solomon in 2 Chronicles 1 “What do you want? Ask, and I will give it to you!” Solomon answered “wisdom.” As a result of  Solomon asking God for wisdom to wisely rule His people, God gave him wealth, riches, and fame such as no other king had before him or after him.

Read Proverbs 4, his parents drilled it into him. David, his father knew the importance of making wise choices—his life was a reflection of both the good and the bad—of choosing and not choosing wisdom.

Let’s take this a step further, we have to teach our children not only to get wisdom but to get God—to make Jesus Lord of their heart and life. Wisdom has to lead us to knowing God.

The wisest choice a person can make, is to give up their life and choose a relationship with God.

If our children only know about God and never know Him in a submitted personal relationship—they can end up just as Solomon did. This is true for us parents as well. We have to teach by lifestyle example. Our relationship with God has to go beyond a quaint Sunday service—truthfully we cannot give away what we don’t have.

Unfortunately Solomon didn’t let wisdom keep him bound to what was of the utmost importance—a lifelong sold out heart.

Skillful Living Tool for Parenting:  Know God yourself. Drill the importance of wisdom into your children—pray it leads them to know God personally.

Proverbs was written when Solomon was at the height of maturity and power. Proverbs gives us worthy practical guidance. We should not down grade its instruction because of Solomon, but should use it as a skillful living tool—teaching us to always keep our heart loyal to the Lord.

Proverbs 4:14-17, warns us of the hazards that occur when associating with the wicked. What do you think happened to Solomon? Why in his old age did he turn away from the Lord God and worship other gods? Why did he associate with and marry wicked women? (Read 1 Kings 11, it tells of Solomon’s tragic fall.)

It’s hard to fathom someone of such great wisdom being foolish enough to give into idolatry. Nonetheless it happened. His own self-will overrode God’s will for his life. God warned Solomon specifically about worshiping other gods and marrying foreign women, but Solomon did not listen or obey the Lord’s commands. He was captivated by lust and married foreign women who turned his heart away from God and influenced him to worship their gods. Scripture says Solomon’s heart was not loyal to God.

Skillful living tool:  Keep your heart loyal to God.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Likewise, to live skillfully we need to be very vigilant to what we allow in our home and heart. Solomon did not fall over night but slowly let foreign women into his household, and then his heart—consequently diluting his convictions and eventually persuading his heart to follow their methods for life.

It is also essential that unmarried adults guard who they allow themselves to fall in love with. Similarly parents need to teach their children the importance of marrying someone of common faith, passion and beliefs.

We have to guard what we permit in our home and heart, so we do not compromise our faith and relationship with God

Skillful Living Tool:  Guard your home and your heart.

Another skillful living tool is directed at wives. A wife has amazing influence in the life of her husband. By her words, beliefs and actions she can turn his heart and soul in a good or bad direction. As women we need to love our husbands as we love Christ. We should be an example to him of God’s unconditional love and faithfulness. Always being watchful of our actions—bridging him to Christ and not away.

Skillful Living Tool for Wives:  Be careful in what direction you turn the heart of your husband!

As a result of Solomon turning his heart from God and into idolatry, the kingdom was taken from his lineage and they were only given rule over one tribe. And worse, the people of Israel intermarried and began to worship foreign gods—living lives of idolatry—breaking the first and greatest commandment. Thus began Israel’s demise and eventual exile.

Solomon’s father sinned—but he repented. David never fully turned the worship of his heart away from God. He did suffer the consequences of his sin, yet he continually sought God and His forgiveness. In turn God poured out His grace and mercy upon David. There is no record of Solomon’s repentance, or of him destroying any of the altars he set up for idol worship in Israel.

Skillful Living Tool:  Continually seek God and live a lifestyle of repentance.

The end of Proverbs 4 gives sound advice. Verse 26-27, “Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your foot from evil.”

Solomon became lax and compromising in his old age, to the point of not following his own godly wisdom. Now’s a good time to check your own heart, have you allowed anything ungodly to come along side your Christianity? Is there any form of idolatry in your life? If so—be like David—repent and turn.

Please be encouraged to live distraction free—keep your eyes on Jesus, guarding your heart all the days of your life!

Thank you for following along with this series on Skillful Living. Living skillfully is a daily choice for all of us. I hope these insights on Proverbs assist you in decision making. Please share with those who long to live skillfully!

Note:  The Skillful Living Toolbox has its own page! Check it out! To access it, click the tab at the top of this page.