Avoiding Relationship Failure

Relationships come in many shapes and sizes. From intensely deep to causal. No matter the relationship—the concept of preferring one another always applies.

This morning as I was preparing a word for a friend whose marring later today, the Lord dropped the word preference into my heart, along with Romans 12:10,

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Following is a re-post of a blog written about this time last year. This concept is timeless. Please—enjoy and apply!

Just the other day, I had a great conversation with a young bride to be. I was reminded of an amazing concept the Lord deposited in my heart years ago regarding relationships.

This approach to relationships is especially ideal when it comes to marriage.

Before I share this amazing secret with you, let me ask you a question. What do you think is the leading cause of any relationship malfunction and divorce?

Granted, I’m no expert but what God has shown me, is that selfishness and pride are the number one culprits of relationship failure.

I call it, “The Me factor.”

The secret  to relationships is “Preference.” Defined as: to value more highly, to hold before or above; and to give priority to.

Our example is found in Jesus. At the cross He preferred you and me. He knew it would be a brutal endeavor to go through, yet He chose God’s will over His. (Luke 22:42)

The concept unfolds as this—if each person in the relationship/marriage prefers and thinks more highly of the other, caring for the needs of the other person over their own needs, then all needs will be met.

Living a life of preference takes the focus off of our self; what I want—what I need and puts the emphasis on the other person in the relationship. We move out of the selfishness of concentrating on our own wants, needs and desires and tune into what will bless the other person.

Is this an easy way to live? No.

Why? Because in order to be like Jesus we must die daily—we must decrease so He can increase.

The fear to this lifestyle is; what if the other person in the relationship doesn’t want to live a preferring life style? What about Me? How will my needs be met?

Valid concern. The answer—Jesus.

Since He really is, the only one who should or could, complete, fulfill or meet our needs—then He is the answer.

This was a difficult concept to grasp, mainly because it opposed my flesh. But once I submitted to the Lord in this—it changed my life, not to mention all my relationships!

In my marriage I stopped choking the life out of my husband trying to get him to meet my every need. Essentially I discovered that Jesus really is enough for me.

This concept brings freedom. It frees you to go deeper in relationship with God, making Him all you need. It frees you to love others, love your spouse, parents, children and siblings without putting the heavy burden of meeting your needs on them. Basically you are free to love without unreasonable expectations on either party.

I have found such joy and depth in my relationship with God since He asked me to live life in this manner of preference.

I invite you to go deeper. To relinquish your wants, needs and desires to God and let Him be “The One” to complete you. You seriously won’t be sorry—just free. Free to love and be loved!

Is God Narcissistic?

Have you ever wondered why God wants us to praise, glorify and worship Him? Love Him, seek and obey Him? Could it be that He is narcissistic and vain? One who barley knows Him might think so.

The truth is, God is secure in His position of creator and Lord of all. He does not need puny humans to worship Him so He can feel secure. He’s not on a power trip, rallying people to Himself so He looks all powerful and good. No, He actually is all powerful and good; in fact He’s the essence of good and the author of power.

All knowing God understands what will transpire in our heart and life when we exalt Him. He doesn’t want us to give Him all our adoration because it will benefit Him—just the opposite—it will benefit us!

God the Father, is a good parent, always looking out for and preferring His kids, making sure the best happens for them. This is why He wants us to live our life in complete surrender to Him and His ways, where His perfect will can be done in our lives. Essentially He knows what’s best and wants to bless us.

We were made to praise, worship and glorify—it’s woven into our being. We will worship something; be it sports, entertainers, food, self, or beauty. Why not worship someone who really deserves it. God is worthy to be praised, worshipped and glorified, after all He is pretty awesome and He did create the entire universe!

There are countless benefits to worshipping God, I’ll mention just one—it causes us to look up and take our eyes off ourselves, creating an atmosphere where we can draw near to God. In the nearness of God our lives are transformed and we are truly blessed. We are defined by what we worship, being defined by God sounds rather wonderful, doesn’t it?

There was a time (a very long time) in my life where I lived a shallow existence, thinking everything was all about me. During that extremely extended period of self-indulgence, I had the thought that God was selfish and egotistical. It made me mad that He wanted everything. And the one thing that He did give me control over—my will—He wanted me to give that to Him as well. I was upset that He’s a jealous God—jealously wanting all my love and affection.

After I finally admitted my issues to Him, which He already knew and loved me still, He began to help me shift my point of view so I could see the greatness of His love and just how preferring and patient is His character.

Listen to the description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, keep in mind; God is love.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

According to this passage of scripture God is completely selfless, so there’s no way He could be narcissistic. His unselfish love sent His Son to the cross, making a path for you and I to live—really live—free from the devil’s schemes and plans for our life. Creating a way for us to have eternal life. This love frees us from fear and chaos, filling us with peace, truth and hope.

It turns out the reason God wanted my will was because He knew how self-destructive my will actually is, He wanted to save me from my own self-indulgence.

He’s jealous, not in the same manner that we humans get jealous—in His jealousy He’s selfless. It’s more about watching out for us. His love is expressed in His jealousy—He’s jealous for our heart that it not be given over to sin, pride, hatred, anger, un-forgiveness and fear, He loves us too much to let those cancers shape our life. He would rather we tuck our heart into His presence where it can be nurtured and grow in a flawless environment.

Please be encouraged to examine your heart towards God. I’m praying that you will tuck your heart into His presence, knowing Him deeper still.

When Life Rages

Sometimes life just seems to rage and difficult situations arise one right after the other. Do you ever feel as if life is hard? Do you ever wonder if it’ll get easier? I used to have this false belief about life, that at some point you get to the other side of hard times. As time has passed, soberness has sunk in relaying the truth that opposition is part of life.

I have to be honest—my life is far from picture perfect. (Shocker right?) Although wouldn’t it be nice to Photoshop life? Just edit out bits and parts?

It’s a fact, trials happen.

With that in mind, what are we to do? Truthfully, I’ve tried a few options but the one choice that I’ve landed on, is to rely on God’s faithfulness.

Psalm 91:4 says,
Under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler.

• Worrying doesn’t help—the Bible instructs us not to worry. (Matthew 6:25-34)
• Being fearful is torturous—the Bible says God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
• Taking matters into our own hands never ends well—the Bible counsels us not to lean on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
• Giving up does no good—the Bible tells us not to harden our heart. (Psalm 95:8)
• Ignoring problems will not make them go away and only leads to bigger crisis—the Bible admonishes us to be diligent. (2 Timothy 2:15)
• Telling God what I want Him to do about my situation is foolishness, we are not God, we only see in part. We do not know what He should do for us—the Bible is clear—it’s not my will be done but Your [God’s] will be done. (Matthew 6:10)

So you see, when life rages, relying on God’s faithfulness is not only the best option, but the only option.

How do we rely on God’s faithfulness?

Questions such as this one used to overwhelm me. I’m a doer, I like to know how to practically do what God wants me to do. When I get a directive from the Bible or from God Himself I always have to say “Okay, but how?” How do I, in my everyday life actually walk out your directives?

Below are a few ways I have learned to rely on God’s faithfulness.

First things first, we have to stop handling trials in our usual manner. (Such as the list above, that I gave.) One definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. At some point we have to realize our ways aren’t God’s ways—then adopt His ways.

Relying on God’s faithfulness is a matter of trusting.

This next part is for those who have a hard time trusting God:
Because of various situations from my past, I used to have a hard time trusting God. Not that He did anything to cause me not to trust Him, but I was stuck in the lie of thinking that God was equal to people. I knew God was able to help me but I didn’t think He was willing. I knew He loved me. I read, prayed and believed scriptures about His faithfulness but still doubted He would help me. I went through healing and deliverance from my past, which helped me tremendously, yet I was terrified of being hurt again so trusting did not come easily.

Finally I realized it was a matter of the will. I had to will myself out of the sin of not believing God and His Word. By God’s grace I made an exchange—my unbelief and untrusting heart for faith in God. I also had to will myself to stop self-protecting my heart and rest in God’s faithfulness.

Once our will is in order—our mind and emotions can be as well. Our heart will follow our soul (mind, will and emotions) that’s why it’s so important to get our soul into submission to God’s Word.

Our heart was created to be God’s home, therefore it is very content to trust and believe in God’s faithfulness. This is one reason why we can’t find peace when our heart and soul are out of alignment.

To stay focused and believing in God’s faithfulness we must:

• Guard our will from becoming bent the wrong way
• Protect our heart from becoming hard
• Remember, our heart is to be God’s home
• Watch over our mind—keep it from doubt, negativity and from believing the enemy’s accusations against God.
• Control our emotions instead of them controlling us
• Read the Bible, pray and worship
• Be thankful and give God praise
• Take up a shield of faith
• Learn from each trial and look at it as another chance to trust God
• Know that God causes all things to work together for our good

When life rages you do not have to be afraid, but can find your peace, rest and trust in God. Please be encouraged to will yourself to rely on His faithfulness—He will never disappoint you!

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust! For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. Psalm 91:1-3

The Secret to Relationships

Just the other day, I had a great conversation with a young bride to be. I was reminded of an amazing concept the Lord dropped in my heart years ago regarding relationships.

This approach to relationships is especially ideal when it comes to marriage.

Before I share this amazing secret with you, let me ask you a question. What do you think is the leading cause of any relationship malfunction and divorce?

Granted, I’m no expert but what God has shown me, is that selfishness and pride are the number one culprits of relationship failure.

I call it, “The Me factor.”

The secret  to relationships is “Preference.” Defined as: to value more highly, to hold before or above; and to give priority to.

Our example is found in Jesus. At the cross He preferred you and me. He knew it would be a brutal endeavor to go through, yet He chose God’s will over His. (Luke 22:42)

The concept unfolds as this—if each person in the relationship/marriage prefers and thinks more highly of the other, caring for the needs of the other person over their own needs, then all needs will be met.

Living a life of preference takes the focus off of our self; what I want—what I need and puts the emphasis on the other person in the relationship. We move out of the selfishness of concentrating on our own wants, needs and desires and tune into what will bless the other person.

Is this an easy way to live? No.

Why? Because in order to be like Jesus we must die daily—we must decrease so He can increase.

The fear to this lifestyle is; what if the other person in the relationship doesn’t want to live a preferring life style? What about Me? How will my needs be met?

Valid concern. The answer—Jesus.

Since He really is, the only one who should or could, complete, fulfill or meet our needs—then He is the answer.

This was a difficult concept to grasp, mainly because it opposed my flesh. But once I submitted to the Lord in this, it changed my life, not to mention all my relationships!

In my marriage I stopped choking the life out of my husband trying to get him to meet my every need. Essentially I discovered that Jesus really is enough for me.

This concept brings freedom. It frees you to go deeper in relationship with God, making Him all you need. It frees you to love others, love your spouse, parents and siblings without putting the heavy burden of meeting your needs on them. Basically you are free to love without unreasonable expectations on either party.

I have found such joy and depth in my relationship with God since He asked me to live life in this manner of preference.

I invite you to go deeper. To relinquish your wants, needs and desires to God and let Him be “The One” to complete you. You seriously won’t be sorry—just free. Free to love and be loved!

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” Romans 12:10